2 – Worry


I had been worried by the end of the first month when Lydia didn’t ‘baby gaze’ at me as we breastfed. Her eyes stared off into space. This might seem like a small thing but as Elena’s mom says from Russian folklore- “all the wisdom is in the baby’s eyes.”

However during her two-month wellness appointment her pediatrician advised this wasn’t necessarily unusual and to wait and see. I continued to brood a storm of worry. Here is the list I compiled of problem signs leading up to her four-month wellness checkup:

–       No baby gaze, not tracking objects

–       Not able to lift head during tummy time

–       Shaking legs

–       Not cooing

–       Not reaching for objects

She’d also been doing this strange clutching chest/head-turn/wide-eye thing several times a day that I felt uncomfortable about but couldn’t quite put my finger on. The night before our four-month pediatrician appointment I went wild with Google searching and happened across some YouTube videos of children having seizures. Not the shaking, eye-rolling stuff most people know, but surprisingly subtle, momentary pauses in awareness that one might not even notice. That’s when I knew Lydia was having seizures.

At the pediatrician’s office Lydia did her part and demonstrated a seizure. The doctor scheduled her for an EEG in the morning.

Here is what her seizures look like:

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